I’m embarrassed to say it, but
growing up, I somehow conjured up the picture of the perfect LDS girl. She had
long, straight hair, shimmering white teeth (her Dad was probably a dentist),
tiny feet (yes, that was in there),
wore pastel cardigans and most importantly, had a thin, straight body. She was
always sweet and most likely went to BYU to take nursing or dental hygiene.
While most of this emerged from my
overactive imagination, I’m sure a few pictures in the New Era and a dose of
pseudo Mormon culture helped it along.
I came into the world with curly
red hair and freckles to match my fiery and opinionated personality. Despite my
efforts to straighten it, the second I climbed out of a pool or walked a few
minutes in the rain, my curls would bounce back up. Later in life I developed a
figure I did everything I could to hide. No matter what I wore, I could not
hide my breasts and healthy bottom. I wanted to be cute, I wanted to be sweet, I wanted to look innocent. I got womanly. And big feet.
In my eyes, I was the antithesis of this
perfect Mormon girl.
The wisdom of years is a wonderful
thing and thankfully my eyes opened to this non-existent ideal. I took that
glass-covered picture hung carefully in my subconscious and shattered it. I see now where believing in a
mold, or in some kind of ideal, can lead to that ugly green monster envy, and that colorless
monster (because it’s just such a mind-numbing way to live) inferiority complex.
I can think of two specific things
that helped me understand the truth.
Praying to my Heavenly Father,
connecting with Him and knowing He loves me, adores me-created me-helps me see myself and others in a
new light. Understanding my divine destiny and learning to separate the beauty
of the gospel from Mormon culture helps me see I don’t have to feel bad about
myself all the time-or ever! It helps me see the fallacy in other kinds of
molds such as The Perfect Mom, The Perfect Husband and The Perfect Number of Children.
Exercise has also been a blessing
to me. Seeing what my body can do and taking care of it helps me to value and
treasure it. Now, I embrace and celebrate my body and my hair, not to mention
my fiery personality. Not that I don’t try to tame all three, but I love my
curves and certainly am not ashamed of them. I wear what makes me feel good
(read: leggings!) and let people judge me if they want. Exercise has done
wonders for my self -image, and that booty just helps me lift more weight off
the ground. I’m still working on
loving my feet, but hey, it’s a journey.
When I first heard this quote it had a huge impact on me:
"The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony." (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin)
I use this quote every chance I get. Wow. We make up a symphony, an intricate, complexly beautiful symphony. Let us embrace each instrument, each loud and soft note, each minor and major key, each staccato and legato, each movement and mood and each beat of the drum.
Especially our own.
