But lately I've felt like I might want to contribute my little voice again to the online world. The back and forth dialogue in my head has gone something like this:
"You could be an influence for good by sharing on your blog again."
"Hmm...maybe so. But what would I even write about?"
"Good point, good point. Maybe you could write about your birth."
"Maybe. But birth can be such a touchy topic because women have such varied experiences and opinions about it."
"Ok, well maybe you could share about how you've done your recovery so different this time by focusing on the care of your pelvic floor first, then deep core. How you've been so committed to allowing your body time to heal that you aren't running until 6 months post partum (a hard sacrifice for me since I love it so much)"
"Yeah maybe I could do that. But I'm pretty busy with these four kids so I'm not sure it's worth taking the time to write about that. Plus, that sounds so boring."
"Yeah, good point."
"You could share about your reasons for not racing right now."
"Yeah that's a great idea (thought sarcastically). I'd start the post with: So I'd like to take back everything I've written up to this point and I think we should all just set aside our egos and enjoy exercise for the sake of health, not for the sake of proving anything."
"Yeah, I see your point. Your attitude about exercise is pretty different now but maybe you can share the great things you've learned without taking away from the wonderful experiences you've had with racing in the past."
"Maybe, we'll see. The internet world can just be so different from reality and I'm not sure I want to contribute so much to it anymore. I find face to face interactions so much more authentic."
"Yes that can be true but the internet does allow for interactions that wouldn't otherwise happen."
"Hmm... maybe."
I have felt nudged to share again, so I guess I'll just jump right in and go for it.
I'm going to talk to you like you are my friends. Because most of you probably are and if we don't know each other, then what are you doing reading this you creep. Haha...just kidding. Visitors are welcome too.
So (friends) I had a baby four months ago. Her name is Brynn Abigail and she is sweet and teeny and I've had the most positive post partum recovery that I've ever experienced. In the past I've been in awe of people who enjoy the newborn stage. When people would say, "oh I just love caring for my babies; snuggling them and how tiny they are and how innocent and precious and blah blah blah" I would think to myself, "are you for real?" I mean, you are so very sleep deprived and tender/recovering in many different places in your body, including your brain. I found in the past that the challenges of that stage overshadowed a lot of the joys. The joys were there, just sandwiched between so many demands and changes that it was hard to really bask in them.
I believe that we as human beings are so very capable of changing to become the people we would like to be. I am a religious person, so for me involving God in these desired changes has made all the difference. I seek His help and guidance daily and He provides. Through His Holy Spirit I feel nudged to do this or that, read this, talk to that person and so on.
I wanted to experience the newborn stage differently. So I talked to people who enjoyed it and asked what they were enjoying and how they dealt with specific challenges. I visualized myself the way I hoped to become and I prayed. I prayed a lot before Ivy. Prayed that I could handle the challenges better and prayed for the grace of Jesus Christ to be with me and my family. Well, Ivy's middle name is Grace as a way to honor and thank God for His help. The challenges were still there after Ivy but I experienced them differently. I enjoyed it even more with Brynn. There were definitely moments of feeling overwhelmed and so tired but joy and fulfillment were the more frequent emotions.
My labour and delivery this time looked something like this:
I had her at home (in my tub) and I love that option so much.
I love the competent, nurturing care of my midwife. I love being able to choose who attends, eat my own food, wander comfortably around my own home, recover and nurse my newborn in my bed. It was so lovely. To me birth and racing are so very similar in that you are using your body to do something that is challenging and your thoughts play a major role (for better or worse) in how you experience it.
I've had this quote on my nightstand for months now (probably time to take it off since I'm done birthing babies).
"Like a marathon runner, a woman's task in birth is not so much to avoid the pain - which usually makes it worse - but to realize that birth is a peak bodily performance, for which our bodies are superbly designed." - Sarah Buckley
Even though I've set aside racing for awhile (maybe a long, long while), I still love exercise so very much and I'm still very passionate about positive body image, which have been the major themes of this blog in the past. Maybe I can still find things to write about that will add to the uplifting, inspiring, honest and helpful content on this crazy internet world.
