Spin Class

Today I did a spin class at the gym with my dad.  He's been coming with me to the gym about once a week to spend time together before baby comes.  It's been fun.

It was a one hour class but for some reason, they've decided to put the clock on the wall right at the front of the room.  That means that I am checking it, oh about every 10 seconds, and the time kind of drags on.

Today I was thinking about how I used to train for hours on end in preparation for Ironman.  How did I survive that, not just physically, but mentally!  An average training week had three spin sessions (along with three swim sessions and three run sessions).  One of the sessions was a long base training session, so I'd often be required to spin for 4-5 hours at a time.  Of course I tried to get outside on my road bike for those sessions but that wasn't always possible due to weather or child care.

So I spent hours upon hours on the corner spin bike.  Spin classes would come and go from the room, my friend Silvana would sometimes come and go but I remained..there...on the bike....in the corner of the room.....for HOURS.  

I'm so proud of that Kimmy who stuck with her goal and even enjoyed it, for the most part.  On a side note, my former self looks so skinny to my pregnant eyes but really everyone looks incredibly skinny to me right now.  It's kind of funny.

I truly am enjoying this stage of my fitness.  It's been nice to take a big step back from the intensity and just exercise for health, not for any goal or race.  I have struggled with what to actually do at the gym these days since I injured my foot a couple weeks ago and I've also been concerned about avoiding unnecessary further damage to my veins.  But there are major benefits: it gives me something to do with my mornings (both my kids are in school and I'm not doing as much personal training these days, so what else am I supposed to do with all this time).  It helps me feel emotionally well.  For example yesterday I had something on my mind bothering me and when I got home from the gym it's like the issue had shrunk in terms of my perception of it's negative impact.  Also I still feel pretty physically fit.  My cardio fitness is still in a pretty good place, as I can easily maintain 1-2 of aerobic fitness.  Also my muscles are still fairly strong.  At my midwife appt she commented, "you have quite the strong abs my dear" and my legs and arms also still have some decent muscle.  Never mind that you can't really see it because there's some extra fat storage but it's nice to know it's there. I did a pump class yesterday and it felt very comfortable.

Countdown is on with just over three months until my due date.

Marks of Motherhood

 I've wondered about the words, 'pregnant glow' lately.  Maybe that glow comes in part from being a little sweaty from having just thrown up your lunch.  Or maybe it's because you're flushed and oxygen deprived from the baby compressing your lungs.  Or maybe it's something more poetic and magical....

Pregnancy and child birth (not to mention raising the actual child) are certainly experiences that change you forever.

I've been thinking about some of these changes lately.
I've heard of so many different symptoms that female friends and family have experienced.  Depression, weight gain, nausea, insomnia, crazy dreams, joint pain, back pain, anxiety, water retention, mood swings, food aversions and migraines to name a few.  My sister's whole body would itch severely during her third trimester.  Pregnancy is so weird.

For my part, I had nausea with all three pregnancies.  I had some insomnia in my last pregnancy but thankfully not this time.  My feet were both a size 8 before I had Riley.  After that first pregnancy, they became a size 8.5  Then, miraculously after Kyla my right foot was a 9 and my left an 8.5.  It remains to be seen where my feet will end up after round three.  I had the strangest symptom after Kyla where the left side of my scalp was constantly greasy.  Didn't matter if I had just showered and blow dried my hair, that side was as greasy as if I hadn't showered in weeks.  Only solution I found was to shampoo with dish soap.  I struggled emotionally in my pregnancy with Kyla and I remember Adam saying, "I miss my Kimmy."  It was said in a sweet, longing way.  Not judgementally.  I missed myself too.

If you've spent much time with me the past month, you've probably heard me lament my most recent change that I'm grappling with: VARICOSE VEINS.  I love my legs.  They're strong, healthy, long and athletic.  I've never been much into flaunting them with high heels but I just privately find joy in them.  It's hard to see something you love become scarred.  I had some veins collapse last time but I hoped that after I had the baby they would heal up.  They didn't.  This time around, more veins have been struggling and bulging and darkening.  Not only that but they throb sometimes too.  One even has a clot in it that I will be getting an ultrasound on shortly.

It's astounding and humbling for me to consider these sacrifices.  I can picture in my mind's eye, many women that I love, offering their bodies as a vessel to bring a child into this world.  It is like they are stepping forward to an altar of sacrifice; silently, willingly, laying their offering there.  It is a deeply personal, divine experience.  It is an incredible sacrifice.  Hard, at times.  One that changes you, both inside and out, forever.

After having Kyla, my tummy carried some extra bulge.  I lamented this and obsessed over it a bit.  Then I started to learn something.  This was a mark of motherhood.  A mark on my body that I carried with me,  a sign of the sacrifice I had given.  To God this mark was beautiful.  I had a hope planted in my heart that perhaps with some time and perspective it would be beautiful to me too.  Perhaps all the marks I bear, both emotional and physical, will become incredibly beautiful to me.  They are symbols of my sacrifice.  Symbols of what I have offered.  Symbols that I am a mother.