Some things I've learned about beauty.

This morning as I showered at the gym I cried.  I cried because I felt so sad for all the women who struggle with accepting and also caring for their bodies.  I cried for the woman who wants to be healthy but doesn’t know how, I cried for the woman who feels embarrassed/discouraged about her body, I cried for all the women I know who struggle with their bodies.  I know what it feels like to struggle.  You might be thinking, “oh sure, you’re an ironman or you’re tall and slim, you have no idea what the struggle feels like.”  But I do.  I’ve felt the struggle deeply, at times, and then chosen to change. I have felt times of deep frustration and discouragement about my body and then time and time again I try to choose to be healthy and beautiful in the way I know best.  Along the way I have learned some things that I wanted to share. 

When all you see is the external appearance, it’s easy to judge, assume things and feel either superior or inferior.  When you give someone the benefit of the doubt and get to know them, all those prideful assumptions start to melt away.

I’ve learned this lesson time and time again throughout my life.  Recently I met someone who is a walking resemblance of Barbie.  Seriously, I’ve never seen a closer resemblance to Barbie in a real human being.  I gave her the benefit of the doubt and assumed that she was kind and good and real and because of this, I now have a good friend.  I never would have become friends with her if I would have let my assumptions put a barrier between us.

This is the main reason I wanted to have the women from the photo shoot share a bit of themselves with you.  It reminds all of us that there is more to a person than what you see at first glance. I sometimes have a wave a jealousy, when I see a beautiful woman.  It has helped me so much to remember that they are real people with a story to tell.

Our beauty is not relative, it is inherent and completely our own.

When I saw the first pictures from the photo shoot of all the women, I felt critical of myself (funny looking nose, looks a bit cross eyed, hair looks kind of weird etc).  I also felt like the other women looked gorgeous, which intensified my own feelings.  For some reason, I just really started comparing myself to the other women, as if my own beauty was only valid relative to the beauty of others.  Of course this isn’t true.  I am beautiful because I am a beloved daughter of God, created in His image and loved by Him.  You are beautiful for the same reason.

What we sometimes view as our physical imperfections, can actually be part of our own unique beauty. 

I expressed to Liz (the amazing photographer) that in one of the close up pictures, I didn’t really like my big smile because I was showing too much of my gums.  Liz responded with this, “you might see ‘too much gums’ but I see ‘happy Kim’.  I can hear your laugh when I look at that picture, and that makes me smile!”  Perhaps when I am being critical about something in my body, I am criticizing the very thing that others might love about me. 

True beauty has more to do with who you are, than what you look like.

The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in person is Julie B Beck (a female leader in my church).  I listened to her speak and felt like I was in the presence of a queen.  She was regal, elegant, confident, radiant and her smile was full of warmth, experience and had something of divinity.  I was enthralled and came home and wrote in my journal that I wanted to have THAT kind of beauty someday. 

This quote is from one of my favorite talks on the body called, “Sanctity of the Body” by Susan Tanner. 

“I am troubled by the practice of extreme makeovers. Happiness comes from accepting the bodies we have been given as divine gifts and enhancing our natural attributes, not from remaking our bodies after the image of the world. The Lord wants us to be made over—but in His image, not in the image of the world, by receiving His image in our countenances.” 

Our bodies are instruments, not ornaments.

Our bodies are gifts from Him, to be used for His purposes.  About 10 years ago I decided that I wanted to use my full life on earth to do God’s will.  I knew I would be capable of doing so much more if I took care of my body from a young age.  This motivation has stuck with me since then.  I want to be healthy so that I can do more good in the world throughout my life.  (see 1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

The weigh scale is a tool.  It should only be used if it helps you to be healthier.

What a strange obsession our culture has with humans weighing ourselves.  What are we, livestock ready to be butchered, that we need to know our weight?  It’s a little ridiculous I think.  I do think the weigh scale can be a helpful tool but only if it helps you to make healthier choices in your life.  If it just leaves you feeling confused, discouraged, desperate or having unhealthy behaviors like extreme dieting, than I think you should just set aside the weigh scale and focus on getting healthier.  You don’t HAVE to know how much you weigh.  In fact, I have a good friend who set aside the weigh scale for her whole pregnancy and even asked her midwives not to weigh her.  She felt better emotionally as she did that and I was so proud of her.

Becoming healthier, stronger, lighter, leaner, faster, and fitter feels AMAZING!

This process is not just for an ‘elite’ group, it’s for everyone.  I love my job (as a personal trainer).  My favorite part is helping people discover their “inner athlete”.  Most people feel nervous when they start exercising but then I see this confidence and joy in their eyes as they realize that they can do more than they thought they could.  Each week they get stronger and healthier and I feel so proud of them.

Being skinny can mean you are healthy but not necessarily.

I feel strongly that in the quest for being “skinny” or “weighing less”, we can lose sight of being “healthy”.   I feel so much more peace when I make being healthy my number one physical priority.  I believe that God wants his beloved daughters to learn how to care for the bodies that He has blessed us with.  We will become so much more in this process of learning to care for our physical bodies, than we would if we look for quick fixes.  Caring for our physical bodies is, in part, about building character.  It’s not just about the external results.  It’s about who you are becoming in the process of being healthy.

Our bodies are amazing.

We are created by God Himself and our bodies are incredible.  I take so much joy in exploring what my body is capable of doing.  It’s the most incredible machine in the world.  I love the feeling of movement, strength, power, flexibility, balance, coordination and speed.  I love that I was able to train my body to complete an Ironman.  I love that my body bore children.  I am grateful for this body God has given me.

Yesterday at the gym I was stretching my hamstring and had one of my legs up in the air, as I lay on my back.  I looked at that leg and was overcome with gratitude for what it had done for me.  My leg had pushed a pedal for 7 hours in my ironman to carry me across 180 km on my bike, followed by a difficult marathon.  I was teary and tenderly touched my leg and expressed gratitude for it.  Then, so as not to play favorites, I did the same with my other leg J.

If you are waiting until your body is perfect to feel beautiful, then you’ll never feel beautiful. 

I think this can be particularly true for mothers, whose bodies undergo a lot of changes through pregnancy and nursing.  I try to view my pregnancy “scars” as marks of the miraculous privilege I have had of bearing children.  I am so grateful to be a mother and it is worth every varicose vein, stretch mark and other impacts it has had on my body.  I hope that these “marks” can somehow add to my beauty, as I see them and am reminded that I am a mother.

Also, I think if we are overly focused on external proof that we are of worth and value, we may lose sight of our true selves!

Acceptance is a step towards positive change.

I have come to believe that in order to change our selves, we first need to accept where we’re at.  That doesn’t mean we love everything about our bodies but it does mean that we love our selves as people and recognize our worth, goodness and beauty, even if it is buried underneath a few layers of fat.  I have seen people change their bodies without ever accepting themselves but it can be an ugly process, accomplished in unhealthy ways.  Health is not a “fair fight”.  We have each been given different genetics, habits and information.  It is left to each one of us to do the best we can with what we've been given.

Elder Holland gave a great talk called “To Young Women”, that addresses this idea of accepting our selves.

I plead with you young women to please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! …We should all be as fit as we can be… That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard. But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size.

If you admire something about someone else, you can choose to go out there and get it for yourself.

There are limits to what each body is capable of doing or looking like but perhaps your body has less limits than you think.  I believe myself to have very few limits on what I can do with my body.  Doing an Ironman last year proved that to be true.  What false limits might you be placing on yourself??

If you want to set a goal, I encourage you to involve God in your process.  He will help you to refine that goal (if needed), strengthen you, guide you, comfort you and find joy in your journey.  I have experienced that.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE GOD MADE YOU AND HE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH!!!