It's a GIRL!

I feel like it's risky to hope for a gender but....I was really hoping for a girl.

Everyone kept saying they thought it was a boy, everyone except my mom.  Early in my pregnancy my acupuncture guy said he was getting some really masculine energy from the fetus so he figured it was a boy.  Or a really masculine girl I guess, whatever that means.

Then at my midwife appt. earlier this week, she said she had a really strong feeling it was a boy and then she wrote her guess on my forms.  I asked her if she's usually right and she said, "I'm about 50/50."

Adam has felt strongly that it's a boy from the beginning.  We've mostly called it a "he" but I've had my little desire for another little girl, that I've tried to suppress because I wanted to be open to whatever little spirit is coming to our family.  And I would have loved a boy too of course.

I've been having super intense dreams leading up to this ultrasound.
In one dream I went to my appt and they removed the baby (don't know how) to examine her and she weighed 12 pounds.  I was so concerned about putting her back in because then she'd be so big to push out at full term, so my midwife told me I could keep her out.  Then I had to be super gentle and careful in caring for her because she was pre-term and for some reason, blind as well.
In another I realized my ultrasound was a day early and so I rushed out the door to get to the appt.  While stopped at a stop light, a big black lady got in the back of my car and demanded that I take her to her appt.  I refused, saying how important my appt. was and we fought for awhile.  Finally she got out and I started trying to get to my appt again, which is when I woke up with my heart racing.

So, needless to say I've been kinda worried and apprehensive about this pregnancy, which is strange for me because I'm not usually a worrier.  I've had a couple friends have miscarriages recently and a couple friends lose their babies and my heart has broken for each of these people that I love.  It's made me realize that there are no guarantees, even for people close to me and even for me.

I had this little fear that I would lay down on the technician's table and she would bring up my uterus on the screen and there would be nothing in there.

The technician I did end up having, not in my nightmares but in real life, turned out to be the nicest person.  She let my two kids, my husband and my parents into the room for the whole thing.  And when she showed me my little person up there on the screen, I was relieved and filled with love and amazement.  There really is a little person in there and she looked so perfect to me, even with her alien face.  Every little feature looked incredible, like a true miracle in my body.  I was teary when I first saw my beautiful little baby and I was teary again when she told me that it's a girl.  I was grateful for a kind technician that would make that experience special, safe and comfortable for me and my family.

Favorite moments:

- Riley commenting a few times, "I think I see a penis."

- When the technician said, "It looks like you're having a little girl."

- Riley asking how her computer works, how her instruments work, how the gel works, where the amniotic fluid was, what would happen if the umbilical cord broke and so on and so on...

- The technician telling me she was happy to answer all our questions and she loves her job, especially doing babies.  (I'm going to write her and boss a letter thanking her).

- Seeing how much my baby moves.  Her feet were up by her head, then stretched out, then she'd roll over.  I remember at my ultrasounds with my two other kids that the technician was surprised by the movement and it was no different this time.  Another wiggly, active little baby coming at us I guess.

- Telling my mom at the end, "I'm so glad you both could be here with us." My mom responded, "yeah, it was so special for us to be here." Then we both looked over at my dad and he was asleep in his chair.  So funny.  He has mild narcolepsy, as his excuse (at least I have diagnosed him with that).