Two years ago I was training for Ironman Cozumel with Adam. We spent an of average of about 15 hours/week training. In crash weeks we were training upwards of 26 hours/week. It was very demanding and fulfilling at the same time and required a lot of planning and teamwork for me and Adam. After the race, we were both on this athletic high. The experience had been beyond incredible. We were so eager to keep the dream alive so to speak and signed up for two half ironmans, one in Hawaii and one in Miami. We ended up making the heart wrenching decision to forfeit our Miami registration because the race fell on a Sunday, which is a sacred day of rest in our religion. We did race in Hawaii and had an incredible experience.
On the one hand, it seemed that we had come upon an incredible lifestyle. Training, travelling and racing held such appeal. We were both getting faster and faster. Adam often mentioned how great it would be to get our pro card. We were at a bit of a cross roads. I felt like I had been a good mom through all this training and racing. I mean, how does anyone really define what a "good mom" is. It's so subjective but I felt in my heart that I had been giving my mothering enough time and attention for my kids to thrive....I just wasn't sure I could keep doing that going forward, if I pursued triathlon even more. At this new stage, I wondered if a shift was required for our family.
Please keep in mind as you read this, that these are my own personal musings and in no way reflect what is right and good for each and every family. We are all so different and we all have our own choices to make and our own roads to travel.
Two roads seemed to stretch out in front of me. Both held their own unique appeal. On the one road, I could continue to pursue triathlon to see how far I could take it. With my kids growing older and in school full time, I would have plenty of time for training. I foresaw on this road a lean body, amazing experiences travelling and competing with Adam, medals, building of character through training and competition. But I also saw myself feeling a strain and pull on my energy and focus between mothering and triathlon. Even if I got my training in while my kids were in school, I knew that the emotional and physical demands of the training would effect my mothering. I know that some women pull off being a mother and an elite athlete but I know my limits and I know for myself that although excelling in sport would provide some inspiration to my children, it would also have a cost.
On the other road, I saw us continuing to try for a third baby. Whether or not I actually got pregnant, I saw myself being devoted even more fully to being a mother. Not just making it something I did out of duty but something I gave more of myself to. Not a side job but my main job and focus in life. When I looked down this road, I looked further into the future. I saw myself when I was eighty years old. Sitting in a chair with my husband next to me, talking about our lives....reminiscing. I imagined us talking about our children. Discussing the ups and downs, the funny moments, the sacrifices and most of all, the people they had become. I felt a taste of that joy. The joy of raising a child into an adult. Of giving them such a huge piece of myself through time and sacrifice and seeing those things blossom.
I wanted that more than I wanted the medals.
I still do.
So, I chose anew to be a mother. I had made this choice before and I imagine I'll make it again.
I love my kids, I always have. Triathlon, sport and fitness have been a part of my life for many years and I hope they will continue to be for many more years. I have no regrets with the races that Adam and I have been able to participate in. I treasure those experiences deeply. They are a part of who I am now. I hope that the character development from Ironman will help me to be an even better person and to have a greater influence on the people in my life, including my children.
I plan to earn more medals to hang on my wall in the future and hope that I can strike that delicate balance between being the mother I want to be and pursuing those things in life that bring me joy and help me to be a better person. It's not easy but I'm going to try.
Thanks for sharing this and letting us inside your musings. I love hearing about how you work through your priorities and try to align yourself with what you want in the long run. Thanks for the example.
ReplyDeleteHi Kim,
ReplyDeleteAnother thoughtful and insightful post. I remember well the pull between being the kind of mom I knew my kids needed and the desire to grow and progress myself.
The best advice I received during that time in my life came from Janice Kapp Perry at a Women's Conference I was blessed to attend. You probably know her from the amazing songs and music she has composed. She said that while she was raising her family, she continued to play the piano and guitar, but limited her compositions to family fun get togethers. She said the time and energy needed to write and compose and publish what she knew was within her abilities and desires was the same creative and physical energy she needed to be in tune with her family's needs. When the time came and her family needed her less, her creative reserve was full and she could concentrate on that which she knew was there all along.
The other point she made,( which I didn't get then, but do now) was this: when your children are little, you're busy keeping them alive-fed, clothed, sheltered; as they grow into adolescence, you become REALLY busy keeping them centered and balanced. It's a misnomer that parenting becomes easier and less time consuming as your children get older. But then, almost in a blink ( I know you can't see it now, but you will), they are grown. And your time is yours, and every talent, desire and ability that you have lying dormant within you while you are doing this important work, will be yours to develop. The Lord does not withhold blessings and talents you shelved while raising your family. Right now you think that 15 or 20 years down the road is a long time, but you'll see that it isn't. And, if you are blessed with good health, you will see that you do not feel old. You will spend more of your life with grown children than with growing children.
So, if you stay healthy and fit, you will remain capable of being a tri athlete and a super mom. You and my other nieces as well as my daughters and daughters in law inspire me every day with your courage, strength, faith and desire to do good and be good. Thanks for being the woman you are and striving to be the best you can.
xxoo Aunt Janet
Aunt Janet, I can't even express how much your comment meant to me. I bawled my eyes out reading it. You must have been inspired to write this. That advice is to timely and perfect for me. Thank you a million times over for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI love this. Thanks for sharing :) You are an excellent mother Kim, and you're teaching your kids something most people never, ever learn -- how to treat our gift of a physical body.
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