Daddy Daughter Time.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant now!  Rocking my compression socks, oh yeah!

Once a week my dad and I spend time together.  When the weather was nice and earlier in my pregnancy, we went for runs down in fish creek together.  I'm done with running as of a couple weeks ago (hurt my foot and concerned about the impact on my veins), so we meet at the gym to spin together.

Today was fun.  Something you should know about my dad is that he doesn't like to interrupt his workouts for anything, yep he's kind of intense like that (you wonder where I get it from right?!?).  It's more of a comical intensity though because for my dad most things have a comical aspect.  So today he was wearing two pairs of shorts and he started getting warm, so he asked, "do you think I can take off my outer pair of shorts while spinning?"  It was said with a sly grin, as if asking me to dare him to it.  Of course I obliged and then laughed my head off as he kept choppily spinning, while the first leg awkwardly came out, followed by the next.  You see the guy in the picture next to my dad?  Yeah, he had that face during the shorts removal too.

Last week was even more fun.  We were on the upright bikes, rather than the granny recumbent bikes pictured above.  We were on a random interval setting.  It was intense and I got right to it, whereas my dad likes to take his time warming up.  About 5 min into the workout, he noticed that I had burned a lot more calories and gone "further" than him.  So he told me that he was going to catch me.  Well, I couldn't resist the lure of competition so I sped up as well and raised my gears with his.

We were both sweating like crazy and unfortunately for my dad, he had forgotten his sweat towel.  Having minimal bodily function phobias, he asked if he could share my sweat towel.  "No way" I responded.  "That would be like sharing your toothbrush or your toilet paper or something.  I just can't handle it.  Sorry."  So his shirt became his sweat towel and as time progressed it became a very soaked shirt.  On the competition went, both of us suffering and egging each other on, in our friendly, fun, loving way.

Then came another setback for my dad.  He needed to blow his nose quite badly.  Tragic.  So I told him it was ok, he could just get off and I would win by forfeit.  He wasn't having any of that so he proceeded to blow his nose IN HIS SHIRT.  Then he looked down and said, "wow, now that's really gross!"  So before I could stop him he took off his shirt and kept biking topless.  I'm guessing back in the 80's it was cool for men to strut around the gym topless.  I commented that I thought he might get a reprimanding, exposing himself like that, and so he put the sweaty, mucousy shirt back on.  Awesome.

We finished the workout and I honestly can't even remember who won the competition.

I love you dad.  I enjoy our workouts together every week.  Thanks for keeping it real.

Pregnancy Tips

I thought I'd share a few pregnancy tips.  Not that I'm some guru or anything but these are just some things I've been thinking about that have been helpful to me and maybe they could be helpful to you.

• Don't compare yourself to other pregnant women.  Be kind to yourself and to others by giving each woman the respect and space to let their body do what it needs to do.

• Build up your storage of vitamins and minerals before you even get pregnant by taking a multi or prenatal vitamin daily.  I had my iron levels tested a couple years ago.  I was low so I took extra supplements for a few months and had it re-tested, to get my levels into a good place.  My iron levels have been awesome this pregnancy and I haven't felt as tired as I did my last two pregnancies.  I think once your levels are low, it's really tough to get them up during pregnancy with that precious little leech in your womb.  

• Along the same lines, I really believe in taking a good quality prenatal vitamin.  It's been proven that different brands of vitamins have much different absorption rates.  My naturopath recommended the Douglas labs "Pure" brand, which are relatively inexpensive.  I also take an extra omega 3 (for baby's brain development), zinc (cure for preventing anal fissures - a whole other story, which I'm happy to share if you're interested) and calcium/magnesium (because then I don't get any leg cramps).

• Sweat pants are your friend but you'll probably feel like a slob if you wear them everyday...I know I did. I felt more attractive when I started mixing in some jeans, makeup and doing my hair, even though sweats still have a dear place in my heart and in my wardrobe...with leggings following as a close second.

• Don't make pregnancy an excuse to eat crap all the time.  I've seen others do this, put on obscene amounts of weight and then they have to work so hard afterwards to get back to feeling good.  I do believe that some bodies will just tend to put on more weight in pregnancy, no matter how you eat (and you shouldn't beat yourself up if that's what your body tends to do because you should trust your body knows what it's doing) but don't make the damage worse by treating pregnancy like a nine month cheat day.  Not only for the weight gain issue but also for your and your baby's health...Nourish Yourself!

• Take time to rest.  Took me awhile to learn this when I was pregnant with Riley because I viewed sloth with the highest disdain and felt guilty if I wasn't productive all...the....time.  But I learned that wasn't serving me well and that, just as a worked muscle needs time to recover and rebuilt stronger, our whole bodies, as well as our minds and emotions need rest, in order to be well and balanced.  I find that I need at least one or two afternoons a week to rest (read, nap, whatever)

Spin Class

Today I did a spin class at the gym with my dad.  He's been coming with me to the gym about once a week to spend time together before baby comes.  It's been fun.

It was a one hour class but for some reason, they've decided to put the clock on the wall right at the front of the room.  That means that I am checking it, oh about every 10 seconds, and the time kind of drags on.

Today I was thinking about how I used to train for hours on end in preparation for Ironman.  How did I survive that, not just physically, but mentally!  An average training week had three spin sessions (along with three swim sessions and three run sessions).  One of the sessions was a long base training session, so I'd often be required to spin for 4-5 hours at a time.  Of course I tried to get outside on my road bike for those sessions but that wasn't always possible due to weather or child care.

So I spent hours upon hours on the corner spin bike.  Spin classes would come and go from the room, my friend Silvana would sometimes come and go but I remained..there...on the bike....in the corner of the room.....for HOURS.  

I'm so proud of that Kimmy who stuck with her goal and even enjoyed it, for the most part.  On a side note, my former self looks so skinny to my pregnant eyes but really everyone looks incredibly skinny to me right now.  It's kind of funny.

I truly am enjoying this stage of my fitness.  It's been nice to take a big step back from the intensity and just exercise for health, not for any goal or race.  I have struggled with what to actually do at the gym these days since I injured my foot a couple weeks ago and I've also been concerned about avoiding unnecessary further damage to my veins.  But there are major benefits: it gives me something to do with my mornings (both my kids are in school and I'm not doing as much personal training these days, so what else am I supposed to do with all this time).  It helps me feel emotionally well.  For example yesterday I had something on my mind bothering me and when I got home from the gym it's like the issue had shrunk in terms of my perception of it's negative impact.  Also I still feel pretty physically fit.  My cardio fitness is still in a pretty good place, as I can easily maintain 1-2 of aerobic fitness.  Also my muscles are still fairly strong.  At my midwife appt she commented, "you have quite the strong abs my dear" and my legs and arms also still have some decent muscle.  Never mind that you can't really see it because there's some extra fat storage but it's nice to know it's there. I did a pump class yesterday and it felt very comfortable.

Countdown is on with just over three months until my due date.

Marks of Motherhood

 I've wondered about the words, 'pregnant glow' lately.  Maybe that glow comes in part from being a little sweaty from having just thrown up your lunch.  Or maybe it's because you're flushed and oxygen deprived from the baby compressing your lungs.  Or maybe it's something more poetic and magical....

Pregnancy and child birth (not to mention raising the actual child) are certainly experiences that change you forever.

I've been thinking about some of these changes lately.
I've heard of so many different symptoms that female friends and family have experienced.  Depression, weight gain, nausea, insomnia, crazy dreams, joint pain, back pain, anxiety, water retention, mood swings, food aversions and migraines to name a few.  My sister's whole body would itch severely during her third trimester.  Pregnancy is so weird.

For my part, I had nausea with all three pregnancies.  I had some insomnia in my last pregnancy but thankfully not this time.  My feet were both a size 8 before I had Riley.  After that first pregnancy, they became a size 8.5  Then, miraculously after Kyla my right foot was a 9 and my left an 8.5.  It remains to be seen where my feet will end up after round three.  I had the strangest symptom after Kyla where the left side of my scalp was constantly greasy.  Didn't matter if I had just showered and blow dried my hair, that side was as greasy as if I hadn't showered in weeks.  Only solution I found was to shampoo with dish soap.  I struggled emotionally in my pregnancy with Kyla and I remember Adam saying, "I miss my Kimmy."  It was said in a sweet, longing way.  Not judgementally.  I missed myself too.

If you've spent much time with me the past month, you've probably heard me lament my most recent change that I'm grappling with: VARICOSE VEINS.  I love my legs.  They're strong, healthy, long and athletic.  I've never been much into flaunting them with high heels but I just privately find joy in them.  It's hard to see something you love become scarred.  I had some veins collapse last time but I hoped that after I had the baby they would heal up.  They didn't.  This time around, more veins have been struggling and bulging and darkening.  Not only that but they throb sometimes too.  One even has a clot in it that I will be getting an ultrasound on shortly.

It's astounding and humbling for me to consider these sacrifices.  I can picture in my mind's eye, many women that I love, offering their bodies as a vessel to bring a child into this world.  It is like they are stepping forward to an altar of sacrifice; silently, willingly, laying their offering there.  It is a deeply personal, divine experience.  It is an incredible sacrifice.  Hard, at times.  One that changes you, both inside and out, forever.

After having Kyla, my tummy carried some extra bulge.  I lamented this and obsessed over it a bit.  Then I started to learn something.  This was a mark of motherhood.  A mark on my body that I carried with me,  a sign of the sacrifice I had given.  To God this mark was beautiful.  I had a hope planted in my heart that perhaps with some time and perspective it would be beautiful to me too.  Perhaps all the marks I bear, both emotional and physical, will become incredibly beautiful to me.  They are symbols of my sacrifice.  Symbols of what I have offered.  Symbols that I am a mother.  

Six year old maternity clothes should be burned.

Ok so I'm 22 weeks pregnant now and I FINALLY decided to go through my old maternity clothes.  I've had these boxes stowed away in a closet for a long time.  Over six years to be exact.

You may wonder, what have I been wearing all this time? 

Well, I have bought some new clothes, specifically skirts and dresses but I haven't bought any shirts or pants yet.  I have a lot of long shirts, so I've just been stretching those out.  I'm totally fine with letting them get stretched out and "wrecked" because then I can throw them away after and buy new clothes.  In terms of pants, I'm down now to black sweat pants and black leggings.  I tried on all my pairs of jeans one morning last week before I went out to volunteer in my daughter's class and not a single pair fit.  No, it wasn't fun trying them all on, in case you were wondering.  

So last night I finally bit the bullet and pulled out those boxes.  It was worse than I expected....much, much worse.  Keep in mind that I was a poor student back in my previous pregnancies and I think some of the clothes I wore had even been handed down to me when I was pregnant with Riley, making them like 10 years old.  It felt like such a time warp.  A tragic time warp into maternity nightmares.  Adam laid on our bed reading a book while I groaned, moaned and sometimes laughed as I sorted through the clothing.  At the end of the experience, I laid down feeling tired and annoyed with my lack of clothing options for the next 4 months.  It's just so hard to spend money on clothes I'm only going to wear for such a short period of time.  He said something like, "Kim, pregnancy is hard enough with the changes to your body,  Don't make it harder on yourself by wearing clothes that you feel ugly in.  Spend some money and buy yourself some clothes you like.  Just donate the rest."  

Ok so before I donate these beauties, I thought I would share a few of them for your enjoyment.
I tried to really show off the two-toned tummy pouch and I think you'll also appreciate my modeling skills.

I'm still running...

Last Friday I tried to run but it just didn't feel quite right.  I felt a bit of pinching and pain in my right upper glute area.  So I did a few walk/run intervals and then spent the rest of my time on the elliptical.  

At over 21 weeks pregnant, I suppose it's bound to happen.  Days where I need to adjust my plan, pull back and take it easier.  

You might think that since I can be kind of hard core about exercise, that this would be hard for me.  But it's really not.  I'm thoroughly enjoying this stage of exercise.  My priority is this beautiful little miracle growing inside me.  It's a relief and a privilege for me to exercise without added pressures of a race or a fitness goal. I actually feel like for me, pregnancy is a time to build up reserves of fitness intensity, so that when the time is right, I'll have these reserves to call upon.   

After seeing my chiropractor and massage therapist I felt a lot better on the treadmill today and ran for 30 minutes.  Then I did 20 minutes elliptical and some upper body strength training.  One thing I have lots of these days is TIME, with both my kids in school all day.  I usually spend my mornings at the gym, taking my time doing cardio, strength training, spin class, yoga or whatever else I feel like that day.  It's as much a social and emotional need that is filled, as it is a physical.  The gym has become my place to visit with other women and be around people.  It's a fun environment for me to spend some of that time.

I'm also still teaching boot camps and doing some personal training.  I love my boot camp girls (yep, that's you if you're reading this) and I enjoy sharing some of my love of fitness.  I know lots of people exercise because they feel like they should or because they want to lose weight but I love seeing a shift in people where they also exercise because they start to LOVE IT.  Not just as a chore but as something they might even call FUN.  I feel like the same shift can happen with eating.  Where you start to eat healthy because you love how that food tastes and you love nourishing your body.  When these shifts happen, healthy living is no longer a burden but a joy and a privilege.  Truly, these bodies of ours are amazing miracles and caring for them is one of the greatest challenges but also the greatest opportunities of LIFE.

I Choose To Be A Mother.

Two years ago I was training for Ironman Cozumel with Adam.  We spent an of average of about 15 hours/week training.  In crash weeks we were training upwards of 26 hours/week.  It was very demanding and fulfilling at the same time and required a lot of planning and teamwork for me and Adam.  After the race, we were both on this athletic high.  The experience had been beyond incredible. We were so eager to keep the dream alive so to speak and signed up for two half ironmans, one in Hawaii and one in Miami.  We ended up making the heart wrenching decision to forfeit our Miami registration because the race fell on a Sunday, which is a sacred day of rest in our religion.  We did race in Hawaii and had an incredible experience.

On the one hand, it seemed that we had come upon an incredible lifestyle.  Training, travelling and racing held such appeal.  We were both getting faster and faster.  Adam often mentioned how great it would be to get our pro card.  We were at a bit of a cross roads.  I felt like I had been a good mom through all this training and racing.  I mean, how does anyone really define what a "good mom" is.  It's so subjective but I felt in my heart that I had been giving my mothering enough time and attention for my kids to thrive....I just wasn't sure I could keep doing that going forward, if I pursued triathlon even more.  At this new stage, I wondered if a shift was required for our family.

Please keep in mind as you read this, that these are my own personal musings and in no way reflect what is right and good for each and every family.  We are all so different and we all have our own choices to make and our own roads to travel.

Two roads seemed to stretch out in front of me.  Both held their own unique appeal.  On the one road, I could continue to pursue triathlon to see how far I could take it.  With my kids growing older and in school full time, I would have plenty of time for training.  I foresaw on this road a lean body, amazing experiences travelling and competing with Adam, medals, building of character through training and competition.  But I also saw myself feeling a strain and pull on my energy and focus between mothering and triathlon.  Even if I got my training in while my kids were in school, I knew that the emotional and physical demands of the training would effect my mothering.  I know that some women pull off being a mother and an elite athlete but I know my limits and I know for myself that although excelling in sport would provide some inspiration to my children, it would also have a cost.

On the other road, I saw us continuing to try for a third baby.  Whether or not I actually got pregnant, I saw myself being devoted even more fully to being a mother.  Not just making it something I did out of duty but something I gave more of myself to.  Not a side job but my main job and focus in life.  When I looked down this road, I looked further into the future.  I saw myself when I was eighty years old.  Sitting in a chair with my husband next to me, talking about our lives....reminiscing.  I imagined us talking about our children.  Discussing the ups and downs, the funny moments, the sacrifices and most of all, the people they had become.  I felt a taste of that joy.  The joy of raising a child into an adult.  Of giving them such a huge piece of myself through time and sacrifice and seeing those things blossom.

I wanted that more than I wanted the medals.

I still do.

So, I chose anew to be a mother.  I had made this choice before and I imagine I'll make it again.

I love my kids, I always have.  Triathlon, sport and fitness have been a part of my life for many years and I hope they will continue to be for many more years.  I have no regrets with the races that Adam and I have been able to participate in.  I treasure those experiences deeply.  They are a part of who I am now.  I hope that the character development from Ironman will help me to be an even better person and to have a greater influence on the people in my life, including my children.

I plan to earn more medals to hang on my wall in the future and hope that I can strike that delicate balance between being the mother I want to be and pursuing those things in life that bring me joy and help me to be a better person.  It's not easy but I'm going to try.

Women Who Play

(I'm top row, middle - #4)

(Yes, my bangs were permed.  Awesome)

Growing up I always thought it was the most normal thing in the world to play sports.  Any sports.  Not just figure skating and swimming but all kinds of team sports, even the ones requiring some aggression.  I never once thought of 'boxing out for the rebound' as being unladylike in any way.  In boxing out you have to hold your ground in such a confident, assertive way and I think practicing these types of skills has transferred over into my life.

I played basketball from a young age.  I believe I was 6 when I started.  I played in high school with some extremely talented girls and we won cities and 4A provincials every year.  I received a few offers to play post secondary basketball but made a heart wrenching decision not to.  I remember going under the bleachers to cry when I watched the first game at the University of Lethbridge.  I loved basketball so much and up to that point I defined myself largely as an athlete and specifically as a basketball player.  It was good for me to learn to define myself in other ways and I had some great years at the U of L, even without basketball.

But basketball had played a major role in shaping who I was up to that point.

I am so grateful for the lessons I learned through sport and I want the same for my daughter.  I guess I'm partial to basketball but Kyla has enjoyed participating in karate, soccer and dance too, so we'll see which sport interests her the most as she gets older.  One thing is for sure, the girl has intensity...and I LOVE IT!



I've been reading a couple books lately about women in sport and they have really opened up my eyes to how far sport has come for women and how recently things have changed for women in sport.  Did you know that in 1972 TITLE IX was passed in the United States, stating that gov't funded schools and programs could not exclude females.

 One athlete said that shortly following this new legislation, her and her friends would often go buy penny candy and then go to the sandpit (baseball field) to see whose parents (very few at the time) had allowed their daughter to join.  When she wanted to join, her parents questioned her, "What if the ball hits you in the face, or even worse, the pelvis, rendering you infertile?  Who will marry you?"

Truly, sports have come a long way for women.

I hope to raise a strong, confident, healthy girl and my hope is that involving her in sports will help her become all that she can be.

Vegetables....oh how I've missed you.

Yesterday my father in law called.  He asked how I've been feeling and I told him, "I feel really good now.  The nausea is gone and my energy is back."  He went on to describe, as he has many times, how he turns into such a baby when he feels sick.  Laying on the couch all day....you know, the typical "man sick".  He complimented me and said he's amazed with how I even get through that stage.  It's very kind of him.

It is a hard stage and I'm so, so sorry for those women who suffer with nausea their whole pregnancy.  When mine subsided and I started to feel normal-ish, one of the things I welcomed back the most was feeling HUNGRY.  That growly tummy, have to eat something quick feeling.  Or feeling THIRSTY.  Like you just want to drink a big, tall glass of water.  I missed those feelings.  I ate and I drank but only because I knew I should.  I ate what I tolerated which was anything not cooked by me, cheese, potatoes, sometimes fruit, a little meat but definitely not sugary foods and definitely not fresh vegetables.  I remember buying several boxes of crackers, because I had heard that other pregnant women tolerated these well.  I brought them home, excited to have something simple that I could snack on.  But then I opened them and could only eat the unflavored melba toasts.  The types with flavors totally turned me off.  Bland foods all the way baby!

So when these little beauties started ripening in my garden, I was grateful that the timing coincided with my fading nausea:

I try extra hard to eat well when I'm pregnant.  I am so mindful that whatever I do with my body effects both me and my baby.  Her little body is growing and developing inside me at such a rapid rate and I know that having lots of good nutrients will help in that development.  It helps that sugary foods don't really appeal to me much during pregnancy.

One of the main reasons I like to eat well, not just during pregnancy but for life, is because of the strong connection I have noticed between what I eat and how I feel.  After having Riley, I had some baby blues for awhile.  I had a strong impression that if I ate better, I would start to feel better.  That's when I really got into veggie sandwiches (whole grain toast with mustard and topped with avocado, tomato, cucumber, spinach and s&p.  So yummy.  And I feel so good after I eat things like this.  Some days I'll notice I feel kind of sluggish and down, then I'll eat something live and fresh and within a short period of time I feel so much better. I honestly believe that if I didn't eat well and exercise regularly I would struggle with depression.  The connection between physical health and emotional health is so, so powerful! (Which is not to say that the cure for depression is that simple.  For many people, it is more complex.)

Don't get me wrong, I do eat treats sometimes too...like at Calaway Park last Saturday when Adam's company rented out the park and we could eat for free from all the vendors (mini donuts, popcorn, ice cream etc).  It was fun but I feel like my body is only today recovering from that.  In general, I like to eat well.  Good food tastes good, makes you feel good, nourishes you in so many unseen ways and doesn't leave you with a nasty guilty hangover.

It's a GIRL!

I feel like it's risky to hope for a gender but....I was really hoping for a girl.

Everyone kept saying they thought it was a boy, everyone except my mom.  Early in my pregnancy my acupuncture guy said he was getting some really masculine energy from the fetus so he figured it was a boy.  Or a really masculine girl I guess, whatever that means.

Then at my midwife appt. earlier this week, she said she had a really strong feeling it was a boy and then she wrote her guess on my forms.  I asked her if she's usually right and she said, "I'm about 50/50."

Adam has felt strongly that it's a boy from the beginning.  We've mostly called it a "he" but I've had my little desire for another little girl, that I've tried to suppress because I wanted to be open to whatever little spirit is coming to our family.  And I would have loved a boy too of course.

I've been having super intense dreams leading up to this ultrasound.
In one dream I went to my appt and they removed the baby (don't know how) to examine her and she weighed 12 pounds.  I was so concerned about putting her back in because then she'd be so big to push out at full term, so my midwife told me I could keep her out.  Then I had to be super gentle and careful in caring for her because she was pre-term and for some reason, blind as well.
In another I realized my ultrasound was a day early and so I rushed out the door to get to the appt.  While stopped at a stop light, a big black lady got in the back of my car and demanded that I take her to her appt.  I refused, saying how important my appt. was and we fought for awhile.  Finally she got out and I started trying to get to my appt again, which is when I woke up with my heart racing.

So, needless to say I've been kinda worried and apprehensive about this pregnancy, which is strange for me because I'm not usually a worrier.  I've had a couple friends have miscarriages recently and a couple friends lose their babies and my heart has broken for each of these people that I love.  It's made me realize that there are no guarantees, even for people close to me and even for me.

I had this little fear that I would lay down on the technician's table and she would bring up my uterus on the screen and there would be nothing in there.

The technician I did end up having, not in my nightmares but in real life, turned out to be the nicest person.  She let my two kids, my husband and my parents into the room for the whole thing.  And when she showed me my little person up there on the screen, I was relieved and filled with love and amazement.  There really is a little person in there and she looked so perfect to me, even with her alien face.  Every little feature looked incredible, like a true miracle in my body.  I was teary when I first saw my beautiful little baby and I was teary again when she told me that it's a girl.  I was grateful for a kind technician that would make that experience special, safe and comfortable for me and my family.

Favorite moments:

- Riley commenting a few times, "I think I see a penis."

- When the technician said, "It looks like you're having a little girl."

- Riley asking how her computer works, how her instruments work, how the gel works, where the amniotic fluid was, what would happen if the umbilical cord broke and so on and so on...

- The technician telling me she was happy to answer all our questions and she loves her job, especially doing babies.  (I'm going to write her and boss a letter thanking her).

- Seeing how much my baby moves.  Her feet were up by her head, then stretched out, then she'd roll over.  I remember at my ultrasounds with my two other kids that the technician was surprised by the movement and it was no different this time.  Another wiggly, active little baby coming at us I guess.

- Telling my mom at the end, "I'm so glad you both could be here with us." My mom responded, "yeah, it was so special for us to be here." Then we both looked over at my dad and he was asleep in his chair.  So funny.  He has mild narcolepsy, as his excuse (at least I have diagnosed him with that).

A Pregnant Runner.

Pregnant running...just those words create lots of funny mental images for me.

I always enjoy watching people run.  Being a personal trainer and a longtime lover of running, I like noticing the different techniques.  I'm proud and impressed with anyone who gets on a treadmill or gets outside and runs.  Some are extremely comical though.  A common one is the "bouncy" gait.  You know, the people who spend more of their energy going up than going forward.  Last week I saw this guy who was running but yet, it was slower than a really slow walk.  I mean he had the running movements but he wasn't really moving.  And now, I fall into one of these comical categories.

A pregnant runner.

My belly hasn't reached it's full splendor but it will soon enough and I'll still be running then too...I hope.  I ran right up until the end of both my previous pregnancies.  I always ran outside back then (didn't have money for a gym membership back in the day) and I remember getting a lot of looks.  I could just imagine what was going through their heads...."is that girl pregnant....whoa....like not just a little pregnant.....but she looks like she could have her baby any day now.....whoa....she's actually running.....that must be like, really, really uncomfortable."  I loved those faces.  I just kept on running and thinking, "oh yeah, that's right.  Stare all you want, I'm totally in my element right now."

You see, running is like a major form of therapy for me.  It reminds me I am strong.  It releases the stresses of the day.  It fills me with all those beautiful endorphins, more that any other type of exercise.  I love it so much, I even wrote a poem about it.

Once a week I meet up with my dad and we run together.  It's bonding and fun.  I find we have the best conversations when we're running together and I plan to connect with my kids as they get older by going for runs with them.  We usually run between 5 and 8 km and we're not terribly fast but it's all good.  He's old and I'm pregnant, so we both have a good reason to just slow down and enjoy it.

Side note: I'm 18 weeks pregnant now and have my first ultrasound tomorrow where I will hopefully find out if it's a boy or girl.  So excited!

Racing Pregnant.

I've now done three races pregnant.  Two sprint triathlons and a 5 km race.  
(I did them back in July, I'm just finally getting around to writing about them. I've been in a nausea fog all summer and haven't felt like blogging.)

No-one really knew I was pregnant, except my husband........and me.  Oh, trust me I knew.  Even early in the pregnancy, I felt different.  My blood pressure drops quite low (was 90/56 at my first midwife appt), so I get light headed a lot and it just feels harder to maintain my paces.  So, I've slowed down.  And I'm totally ok with that. In a strange way, it's kind of a relief to set aside my athlete-driven side for a time. Right now, my priority is this beautiful little miracle growing inside of me. Which made these races kinda tricky because I didn't know how to approach them.

I registered for them before I knew when I'd be pregnant.

The first triathlon and the 5km race came before pregnancy nausea rocked my world.  Both races went well. I did the 5 km race in 22:30 and finished third female overall.  I was hesitant to push super hard when it got tough because I didn't want to go too anaerobic and cause any harm to baby, so I held back.  It was kind of nice to have a valid excuse because it I didn't have to bring on the hurt like I usually do in races.  I'm sure I would have been a minute or so faster if I wasn't pregnant, but those record breaking times will have to wait a year or two.

The second triathlon came at the end of a long week of being so, so sick.
 I hadn't started taking diclectin yet because I was trying to figure out if I could get relief from the nausea in more natural ways (acupuncture, chiropractor, massage etc).  I cried on Adam's shoulder most nights that week because the days felt so long, being sick all....day....long.  Being summer, I had my kids home, which meant that I was also feeling bad about not having my usual energy to give to them for summertime fun.  I remember a few nights before that race, talking to Adam about whether I should actually race or not.  I wondered if I would just feel gross, having to wake up early and set up transitions, maybe getting sick in the water.  After listening to me go back and forth about it he said, "well, you can either feel like crap racing or feel like crap on the sidelines watching me race."  What a way with words.  Well, it was helpful because I realized I might as well race.

And I'm glad I did.

Racing with my dad for the second time was fun too.  Oh yes, he did get beat by a pregnant lady!!  Me and my dad have a lot of fun with our friendly little competitions with each other.

Somehow I didn't even feel sick at all.  Even with waking up extra early, having some nervous butterflies and the choppy lake water, I felt ok. Being in race mode really took my mind off of being sick and I also consider it an answer to prayer.  What a blessing! One funny moment in the swim was rounding one of the buoys this guy was super aggressive and pushed me out of the way to cut in close to the buoy.  I was aggressive right back and gave him a couple of good hard shoves to let him know he was cutting me off big time.  These weren't just little, "I'm trying to get around you shoves".  These were more like, "you've pissed off the wrong girl and you're gonna get it shoves."  I can be feisty when I want to.  The bike portion went well.

The run had an exciting finish.  I was dying at the end (like I always am) and because the run course is an out and back I knew that I was in second place out of all the females.  I checked over my shoulder and saw a chick kicking it to try to pass me.  So I found a faster gear and kicked it harder.  After a bit, she gave up and eased off and I crossed the finish line second.  Felt so good.  I was there before my dad and Adam.  My dad because I kicked his trash (love you dad!) and Adam because he did the longer distance.  It was super fun to cheer them in to the finish line.

My dad's wetsuit just kills me.  It looks like a cat has eaten it up but really it's just his fingernails that

he digs into it when he puts it on.  Interesting to note where most of the fingernail marks are...hmmmm....must be a tricky part of the wetsuit to put on I guess.

We had a good laugh about it together before the swim.

 Adam, me and my dad post race.

Adam likes to show a little cleavage with his tri tops I guess.

"Crushed it" this shirt was my prize for finishing second.

Not sure who chose the color.  Yuck!

I'm grateful that my racing season is over.  I will NOT be doing any more races this pregnancy.  I just plain don't want to.  At one point before I was pregnant I pictures myself being one of those moms who ran a marathon at 8 months pregnant.  Then, I actually got pregnant and...plans changed.

I still run but my pace has gone from a 5 min/km pace down to a 6 min/km or even sometimes 7 min/km pace.  Yep, it's slow but it still feels really good to run.  I just want to do it for myself and the baby right now.  To stay healthy, not to race.  I feel like I need a break from that side of my life and then I'll be really ready and excited to go back to it, when the time comes.  

To all you moms reading this who are pregnant or have been pregnant, my hat is off to you.  You are amazing for making all those sacrifices to bring a child into this world.  I am reminded this pregnancy of what a huge sacrifice it is because it's been awhile for me.  Nausea, sore boobs, sore joints, light headedness, peeing in the night, crazy dreams, restless sleep, lower energy, hormonal fluctuations, growing belly, growing in many other places that we don't want to grow and we do it all for this little miracle inside.  It's a privilege and an honor but it's also tough and I hope you know you're not alone when you struggle with parts of it.  

Oh and something else I've realized.  When you're pregnant, it's normal to feel ugly and massive sometimes.  I had a revelation this week that probably almost every other pregnant woman in the world feels that way sometimes and it's ok.  The fact is you're bigger and whether you're a lot bigger or a little bigger, it feels the same.  You just feel big and massive and beached whale-ish.  So, now that I've accepted these feelings as normal, I will try not to let them bother me so much.  hahaha.  

I'll post some pregnancy pictures in the near future.  

Strathmore "TRI-SMORE" Sprint Triathlon

Training for a short race has been a lot of fun.  When I started training for long races a couple years ago, it was exciting to see that I could actually run longer than an hour.  Every long run in training felt like I had overcome a limit I'd placed on myself in my head.  It was also more meditative and peaceful to run long and slow because the large majority of my runs were in my aerobic heart rate zone, so to stay in this zone I had to just slow down and relax into the run.

A drawback of training for long races, is that it requires so much time, including long rides Saturday.

So, short races were a perfect fit for our family this year.  A nice change from the Ironman and Half Ironman distances the past couple years.

I know I haven't updated this blog much lately.  (I've come to realize that I just feel more sad and irritable if I'm on the computer lots so I'm "cutting back") but even though I haven't been posting, I have been training.  Lots of speed work and building strength.  Short and more intense workouts.  Not sure that I'm any faster but there's so many factors here that it's hard to compare.

Sprint triathlon distances: 500 m swim, 20 km bike, 5 km run.

I've come to love small town races and this triathlon in Strathmore was no different  They changed our start time to 10AM so we could be done to watch Riley do his triathlon at noon.  My parents cheered us on and watched our kids while we raced (thanks mom and dad!).  This was my first pool tri, I've only done mass starts in a lake.  We walked on to the pool deck and asked the swim marshall if we could share a lane and she asked if we preferred 2 or 3 in our lane.  Well, of course two.  Sweet!  We told her we were going to swim on sides (rather than looping around) so could she please not add anyone to our lane until we were done.  We had to cross the start mat and then walk/run to our lane and dive in.  Adam went first and he said his goggle strap flipped up high when he dived, so his goggles slowly filled with water.  He tried to just deal with it but after 7 laps it was driving him crazy, so he stopped and fixed it.

 I felt pretty smooth in the water.  It was fun to race right next to Adam.  Since, he's faster, it was nice to have sides, so we could just do our own thing.  I could hear my kids cheer for me when I pushed off at the spectator end, which was fun too!  My swim technique has improved SO much with swim club and this is my first race since those improvements.  On my last length of 20, I was sprinting in when this lady crashed head on into me in my lane.  I was annoyed and sprinted off...no time to figure out what she was doing there and why she would get in and swim right at me.

I ran out to the transition racks and somebody stole my bike.  No, not really, but I thought someone had because I was looking on the wrong rack for my bike.  Lightbulb moment, "you're on the wrong rack Kim".  Relief.  Quickly dry off with my towel.  Shorts and shirt on over my swimsuit. Race belt on.  Helmet on....backwards.  Running out to the bike exit.  Nice man says, "ummm lady, you're helmet's on backwards."  Ooops.  That would have been sweet if he hadn't caught me.  I would have been wondering why everyone was giving me funny looks on the bike course.

Out on my bike I felt great.  Because the race starts in heats, people were pretty staggered and you're not necessarily racing next to people of similar speed.  I flew past people and felt like we were in different races. I was in the "I'm out to win it" race and they were in the "I'm just taking my time enjoying this triathlon" race.  Of course, both races are valuable and fun but it just meant that it was up to me to push myself.  Back at transition I managed to put my running shoes on forwards :)  My bike split was ok but I knew that I needed to kill it on the run to place well.

About a km in I started to get a cramp, so I slowed to a 5 min/kim pace and took deeper breaths and after awhile it cleared.  With a couple kms left it felt a bit less like fun and a bit more like suffering.  You know that point in a race where it just hurts and it's as much of a mental race as a physical one.  Then I did a farmer blow to the side and out came....blood.  "Oh no, I must be hemorrhaging internally" was my less than rational first thought.  Followed by the more rational, "my nose must have just dried out from the bike."

Then Adam showed up to finish the last km with me.  He said some things like, "finish line is just around the corner, you're doing great Kimmy."  I was like, "do you mind not talking right now."  Then he laughed and said, "this is just like labor.  You suffering and telling me to quit talking so you can deal with it."  I laughed.  I guess when I get in 'the zone' I just like to do my thing and see what strength I have deep inside myself.  I finished the 5 km in 23:35 with my parents and kids cheering and Adam waving to the confused announcer to not announce his time (because he'd already crossed the finish line).

My total time was 1:16 which was good enough for third female overall.  A podium finish!!  

Adam finished in 1:05, third place overall.  Podium for both of us!

Riley did a little triathlon after us.  After he finished he said, "I'm a real triathlete now mom."  My favorite part  was when a group kids started the run and instead of heading out on the course, they all just looped back around to the finish line.  It was like herding cats to get them all going the right directions.  It was cute and I'm proud of Riley for doing it.

As a side note:
My heart goes out to all those affected by the flooding in Calgary and surrounding areas.  We look forward to learning of how we can help those affected and rebuild our city.  Strathmore was not affected by the floods but they had huge bins set up to collect donations for flood relief.  Our family is ready to get our work boots and gloves on, as I know so many of you are too.

I AM NOT MY BODY.

I don't read blogs much.  Weird, I know, considering I write one.

The first time I sat down at my computer and got lost in "blogger-land", reading blogs of people I knew, I was left feeling yucky.  Yep, yucky is the best word for it.
I felt the foul tinge of envy from the lives portrayed by these bloggers.  I know that is a result of my own insecurities coming up to the surface but it's also the nature of the blogging world.  It tends to not be very 'real'.   One blog I do check fairly regularly because I feel uplifted when I read it, is Stephanie Nielson’s blog.

Her and her husband were in an airplane crash, in which over 80% of her body was badly burned.  They survived but her body is so scarred and she now stands as an example to the world of the beauty of the soul.  I say this because the incredible woman she is, shines through her scarred skin.  Her example has made me want to be a better person.  Her example has made me want to be a better mother.  Her example has reminded me that I am not my body, in a very poignant way.  I have cried for her and I have been in awe of her.

You should check out this youtube video about Stephanie called, My New Life.

She went from looking like this

To this

In the beginning of the video, Stephanie says, "I am not my body."
Those words struck me back a few years ago when I first watched the video.  They have come back to my mind this week.

Those words speak to me.

This blog is a lot about fitness, about the body.  I love trying to take care of my body.  I love learning about nutrition.  I like trying to look good but even more, I love feeling good.  I love feeling strong, healthy and capable.  Fitness and nutrition help me with that. Ultimately, I feel deep inside that this body I have is a gift.  It is a gift to carry me through this mortal life.  It is the place my soul resides while I am on earth.  My soul is who I really am.  My soul existed before I came to earth.  My soul will continue to exist after death.  My soul is eternal.  This body is not.  At times, I feel frustrated with my body but that's ok. I know it's normal for our soul to struggle somewhat trying to carry out a life in an imperfect shell.  I do believe that one day we will all be resurrected and receive an eternal, perfect body.  But for now,  I try to care for my body so that my soul can live more fully.  That is what those words, "I am not my body" mean to me.

"Begin to develop authentic power, which is not located in the physical body...You will know that you are not that body, and that the real measure of your humanity is in your soul housed in that body.  Your sense of self will shift from being totally identified with your body, to being identified with your invisible self."  

                                                                               - Dr Wayne W. Dyer from "Real Magic"

Hypothermic Half Marathon

At family prayer the night before, Riley asked Heavenly Father to "bless mom that she'll be as close to the front of the race as possible."  Driving over to the race Saturday morning I was telling my kids that it was good I was wearing my bright pink coat because it would be easy for them to see me.  Kyla said, "mom, make sure you smile the whole time too cause then we'll look for the woman with a bright pink coat and a big smile."

It was a race that I won't forget.  Mostly because of the weather but also because of Amanda.

As most of you know, I didn't specifically train for this race.  I only ran it because a friend of mine at the gym offered me her registration because she had hurt her back.  I hadn't done a run over an hour since before Christmas and this race reminded me how much training makes a difference.  It's easy for me and for others to forget that sometimes.  I think sometimes we think that some people are just born to run or that running just comes so easily for them.  I don't think that's true.  It is true that some people have body types that suit running a little more but that's certainly not the most important factor, as I have seen some solid, stocky first place finishers.  The most important factor to running success is time and training.  That's it.  That's the only reason I have become an endurance athlete.  I've put in the time and the training. 

My muscles and joints were quite painful this race, due to a lack of training.

(With my kids at the starting line)



The first half up to the turnaround point, I kept reminding myself to 'relax into it' and save myself for the second half.  I felt good the first 5 km but then some mild suffering set in.  There was this chick in orange lululemon spandex tagged in my mind as a target.  I do this every race; choose people that I want to make sure I beat.  It makes racing more of a game and keeps me motivated and determined. 

At the turnaround point my orange spandex friend had stopped for a port o potty break so I made my pass.  Then the sun started really breaking through the clouds so I gave Adam my mitts.  I started taking off my coat, moving my race bib to be underneath my coat, so that the next time I saw Adam I could give him my coat as well.  That was a highlight of the race, those 5 minutes of sun and feeling so refreshed and strong.  My pace was picking up a bit and it felt good to be on the second half.

Then I looked up and some ominous, dark clouds started rolling in.  I hoped I would bypass them.  Within a couple minutes I felt like I was in the eye of the storm.  The wind and snow were insane.  I couldn't believe it.  My cute little family was right in the middle of it, cheering me on again.  I asked Adam for mitts because my hands were so frozen.  Funny thing is, my lips were so frozen too.  Adam ran back to the truck and found me a couple kms ahead to give me mitts.

That's also when I met Amanda.  She was my next passing target but when I went to pass she asked if she could run with me, or rather told me she wanted to run with me.  I was ok with that, I just had to change my perception of her from target to buddy.  The last 6 kms of the race she chatted a lot and told me how she had a collapsed bladder from childbirth a few years ago and that this was her first race since then.  She was told she'd need surgery but decided she was going to work hard with physio to get better.  This race was a big deal to her, for those reasons.  She explained that at 15km she was starting to get really discouraged and was going to call her brother who lived nearby to pick her up.  Then I came along and in her words, "my feelings of isolation disappeared because of you."  Amanda is a high school teacher and has been teaching her class this week about the importance of connections with others.  I felt that the blessing of helping Amanda was God's plan for me in this race.  I would have never suspected that outcome.

Amanda and I suffered through that storm together and it was so insane.  We couldn't see the markings on the sidewalk for the course anymore and since we were following the guy with the blue shirt in front of us, we ended up crossing down the wrong bridge until we realized we were off course.  We found our way with Adam's help.  Honestly Adam was such a big help that race.  He went and bought me some gatorade when I realized they were only offering water on course.  Him and the kids found spots to cheer me on all along the course.  Adam said the kids got so into it, high fiving all the runners.  Amanda commented on how cool it was that they were there and that I was such a great example to my kids of being healthy and doing hard things.

My left knee started throbbing beyond my ability to run with only 1 km left.  I told Amanda I needed to stretch and she said, "that's great, I'll stop and have a drink."  Wow, were my quads and hamstrings ever tight.  I was able to run again after a quick stretch though.  As we neared the finish line my kids ran up to me and Riley said, "I want to run to the finish line with you,"  Of course Kyla said, "me too."  And Adam joined in too.  That was special.  I've never run through the finish line with my kids and husband before.  The time clock said 2 hours 12 seconds.  I gave Amanda a big hug and told her how proud I was of her.

(Right before the finish line.  Amanda ran ahead so I could stop and run through the finish line with my family)

Unexpected Hypothermia

Well, I hadn't planned to race but I couldn't turn down the opportunity either.

A friend of mine at the gym hurt her back and asked if I wanted to take her registration for the HYPOTHERMIC HALF MARATHON this Saturday.  I debated for a couple weeks about whether to do it or not, then finally decided, why not??  Actually the truth is that I asked Adam if he wanted to race it and he said, "sure."  Then I thought about that scenario, got jealous and came back to him saying, "actually, do you mind if I race it instead?"  He laughed and responded again with, "sure."  He didn't really care either way because he's focused on triathlon training and preparing to podium this year at Magrath.

So, in five short days I'll be doing this:

Good thing the race banner reminds us that it's only 50% as cold as it could be, because I would hate to see 100%.  Folks, running in the cold is not pretty.  (Photos from last year's race).

There's a reason I did my marathon on a treadmill.  I've had the frozen eyelashes, frozen snot, frozen feet....On my last long run in the cold, my neckwarmer got wet from my breathing and then it froze.  So, I ran two hours with a bouncing block of ice around my neck.  Truth is, I ran outside through several winter seasons but that was before my gym membership.  Now I've became a fair weather runner.  Good news is that it looks like it will be above zero this year, which is fabulous for February in Calgary.  I'm looking forward to having fun with this race.  I'm going to run the majority of the race at a 5:30/km pace and just relax and enjoy myself.  And if I get cold, I'll just close my eyes and pretend I'm running here: