The woman behind the picture - Part 2: Angela Franceschi

Today I am going to share with you my struggle and recovery from an eating disorder. Why might you ask am I doing this? Because anorexia is the 3rd most common chronic illness among adolescents. Did you know that 95 % of those who have eating disorders are between the ages of 12-25. I fit right into that statistic!!! I hope that sharing my struggles and triumphs will help that one mother who is terrified watching her young daughter shrink before her eyes. Or that one teenager who can’t see her true beauty and is pressured to fit all of society’s expectations. I am so grateful to Kim for this chance to tell my story.
                                                                  
  I grew up in a very supportive, loving home. My parents made me feel smart, pretty, talented and encouraged me in my interests . I loved going fishing with my dad and drawing in my sketch pad. My nose was always buried in a book or I was down in fish creek exploring with my twin sister. When I started junior high school I was shy but confident in myself thanks to my wonderful family. Sadly it didn't last. I had my very own bully. He would taunt me in the halls and class. He would make rude comments about the fact I had no chest, tease me about my big glasses and frizzy hair and my clothes. I was left anxious, depressed and insecure. This is where the first seed was planted. I started wearing contact lenses and discovered hair product that battled my curly hair. Then it was time for High School. I loved art and did well in English but math and science completely dumbfounded me. I struggled and my grades fell. Add the pressure to wear the right clothes, have the right boyfriend and be in the right social groups. It was too much for me I felt like I was losing control, that I couldn’t live up to the expectations put on me.  This was the beginning.
 
Anorexia tells you many lies. That if you just loose 10 pounds you will be popular. Everybody will love you. That all your problems will go away. And the biggest lie of all that you will be happy.  I did many things to control my weight .....I withheld food for long periods of time .Then I would have periods of binging and would eat everything in sight. To overcome the guilt from this I would consume large amounts of laxatives to purge my system. After 3-4 years  I was left physically weak and tired, my hair was thinning, fuzz was growing all over my body (to try and keep warmth in  since I had no fat left ), my periods stopped, I had ulcers and developed IBS and acid reflux. Emotionally and spiritually I was drained. I had completely isolated myself from my family, friends and my Heavenly Father.  I felt completely alone.

The moment of realization came one night. I was in bed.  I always had a number in my head of the ideal weight I wanted to be and I had finally reached it. I lay there feeling my hip bones and the hollow space that used to be my stomach.  I ran my hands over my protruding ribs. This used to comfort me and my addiction, anorexia, would tell me this was good, this was right. But something changed. I felt scared!!! I realized this was going to kill me and it needed to STOP right NOW!!!!!  I called out to my Savior. I am a spiritual person and have always known Gods love for me. But this addiction had completely consumed me to the point where I hadn't prayed in years. I pleaded to my Father in Heaven to give me strength, to show me what he saw in me that was worth saving. For a second I saw what he sees, a daughter of God, shining with happiness, joy and love, with strength and confidence. I was beautiful inside and out. Waves of gratitude washed over me and a spark was lit in me that grew and grew as I turned away from my anorexia and to my savior.

I went downstairs and sat beside my mom. She was and still is my biggest supporter. She did everything for me. Talked with me, listened to me and most importantly prayed for me and loved me non stop for 4 years. It must have been so heart breaking to watch her daughter shrink and shrink before her eyes and nothing she did could stop it. You can’t make or force anyone to change or get healthy. It has to be a decision you make independently and I was ready. Mom and I hugged and cried and ate. 

So the battle began between me and anorexia. I did everything. I went to naturopaths, counselors, shrinks, doctors , nutritionists and attended ARP ( an addiction recovery program ) . My family battled right beside me and I couldn’t have done it with out them. It was a slow and hard path to recovery with many stumbles along the way. 

I have been recovered for over 8 years. I enjoy food and try to eat healthy nutritious meals but I love my chocolate!!! I appreciate my body and the miracle it is, especially after having two beautiful children. I love to be physically active and feel strength in my muscles, I will never take that for granted ever again. Sadly there will always be that voice in the back of my mind telling me to not eat or that I’m fat. That’s the nature of eating disorders. But I choose to not give that voice power. I choose to ignore it and it gets fainter and fainter every year.
 
When I first saw the pictures from my photo shoot, that voice grumbled it tried to tell me old lies. I cried when I realized this was something I could still feel after all these years. But after praying and confiding in good friends, I saw the strength I have now and how far I have come.  This is my story with anorexia and I WON !!!